calculating infinity

What I Want for my Birthday

2007-07-23T14:43:03Z

Birthday wish list. I'm not asking for anything big that people can't do but I want my friends to do at least one of the following this week:

Listen to my slot for at least an hour on RJ Underground 105.9 at 4PM-7PM this Tuesday or Thursday and give me genuine feedback. Text me about what you think. Don't pull any punches. We jumped into this without much training and nobody's going to do that so I have to learn on the job. I need someone to tell me what they think I'm doing wrong. If you can't do it this week, do it on Monday morning next week. I'm on board on Mondays from 9AM-12PM.
Watch our gig at Club Dredd this Friday! I can't remember who we're playing with just yet but I'm posting it once I find out. A lot of you have never watched me play so please do come over this Friday. I'd really appreciate it. If I had money I would have promised at least a beer to everyone who goes but I'm broke so there!
Go to our Wednesday show at RJ bar this week. We need an audience! There's usually a cover charge but I can get 5 people in for free. First five people get it. Again, I would have promised free beer but I'm broke. As I announced earlier on air, the following bands are playing: Blast Ople, Juan Pablo Dream, Teenage Hero, Bloc Party and Slayer. One more band is playing actually but I don't know who it is yet. Normal damage is a hundred plus you get a free hug from Niki Flojo.
There's also AMP's Rites of Passage on Saturday at Kublai's. I'll be there but I'll be kind of late. Please go, I promise it will be a great show. The following bands are playing: The Out of Body Special, Empty Siren Boulevard, Dicta License, Marshmellow and 5 NEW ((aMp)) BANDS : Pascalene, Thought Prison, Tansan ni Gaston, ABS and Hansom!
Finally, if you're interested in the Landmark Forum thing I had last weekend, please come for my last session this Tuesday at 7:30 PM at the Dusit Hotel's Grand Ballroom. Just check it out and see what it's about. It's an amazing program and I'd like everyone to see what it is and what I got from it. It lasts until around 10:45. Just tell them you're my guest.
Someone lend me the first few HP books. Nix and I made a deal a few years ago that we wouldn't read the books until they're all done. Now that they're out. We need to read everything now. Somebody lend me the first few books.

So yeah, I'd really love it if you could all go to these places to support all of these things that I'm doing right now. Your presence would mean so much to me.

The Siege Tour continues this Thursday!!!

2007-05-29T15:43:16Z

everyone here at the siege tour sends out a big thanks to all the kids who supported the southern leg!

rain or shine, you guys came out and made it happen! thank you for helping us take the south!!!

only 4 more dates left and the northern leg is bound to be a blast! so come and join us as we take the siege up north!

TOWER OF DOOM SIEGE TOUR 2007

featuring

VALLEY OF CHROME
PLANE DIVIDES THE SKY
COG
BOY ELROY
APRIL MORNING SKIES
OUT OF BODY SPECIAL
SIN
IMBUENOKUDOS
BLOODSHEDD

NORTHERN LEG

MAY 31, 2007 - Wacky's Bar, Olongapo
JUNE 1, 2007 - Music Warehouse, Dagupan (Live DVD Taping)
JUNE 2, 2007 - The City Tavern,
Baguio
JUNE 3, 2007 - Hagonoy Grandstand,
Hagonoy Bulacan <input ... >

Siege Tour Starts Tonight Kids!!!

2007-05-23T17:20:18Z

TOWER OF DOOM SIEGE TOUR 2007

featuring

VALLEY OF CHROME
PLANE DIVIDES THE SKY
COG
BOY ELROY
APRIL MORNING SKIES
OUT OF BODY SPECIAL
SIN
IMBUENOKUDOS
BLOODSHEDD

MAY 24, 2007 - Wilfredo's Bar, Fairview
MAY 25, 2007 - Tio Dante's Bar,
Paranaque
MAY 26, 2007 - Noveleta Market
Rooftop, Cavite
MAY 27, 2007 - Rafter's Bar, Sta.
Rosa, Laguna
MAY 31, 2007 - Wacky's Bar, Olongapo
JUNE 1, 2007 - Music Warehouse,
Dagupan (Live DVD Taping)
JUNE 2, 2007 - The City Tavern,
Baguio
JUNE 3, 2007 - Hagonoy Grandstand,
Hagonoy Bulacan

Tower of Doom's Siege Tour!!!

2007-05-14T00:47:23Z

The Inevitable

2007-03-20T10:46:05Z

It's been a while since I first started writing on LJ as c0g013, a month and change short of five years in fact. I remember when I started out, LJ was basically a means for me to get out of my writing rut. Five years ago, I thought I had been scared out of writing by the competition in college. There were just so many good writers in my classes and I thought that I couldn't compare. I thought that LJ would help me regain the confidence and comfort that I used to have with writing. I had a written journal before that and I wasn't writing in it enough. I thought that maybe having an audience would change that. I thought that if I was a part of a community that wrote and read each others entries, I would be inspired to keep on writing. I was reading back on my first couple of entries a while ago and it seemed like I still had the same issues that I had back then. Indiefilipino was just starting up and I was plagued by my seemingly insurmountable inability to just sit down and write.

While I have written a lot since then, most of my writing has found its way here and it does make me sad when I think of it. The last poems I wrote were written around 2002-2003. It's been five years and I still haven't gotten around to finishing any of the stories that I've started.
Aside from the stuff I wrote for the album, I haven't really been happy with anything I've written in quite a while. I wasn't even completely happy with the articles I came up with for the Amp magazine and I haven't written an entry that I liked for more than a year.

While I have met a lot of friends and shared a lot of my experiences with a lot of the people here on LJ, I think that it's time for me to quit this whole thing. This just isn't serving its purpose anymore. I feel like I'm right where I started back then and I'm actually convinced that I'm not even as good a writer as I used to be. Aside from that, this has been my main output for a lot of my problems in the past five years and I think that to a certain extent that has prevented me from actually talking and communicating with people face to face. I have been talking about myself less and sometimes I don't because I figure that people have already heard what I've had to say through LJ. I've also noticed that in the past couple of months, this hasn't been that much of an output for me anymore. Aside from socializing and talking about how drunk I was over whichever past weekend, nothing substantial has come out of these pages for some time.

I did want to slip away unnoticed but if I just stopped making entries, I probably would come back to it anyway. As for journal writing, I'm going back to the notebooks. I've had the perfect notebook for it for some time now. I haven't used it in over a year and I've been meaning to start again. I'm also not deleting both of my journals because I they're good things to look back at. I'm also probably going to keep on reading your entries anyway. Though not as often hopefully. I'm also probably going to post stuff on both journals just to promote shit. You can still find me everywhere else. I'll still be on Multiply, Last.FM and whatever, though not as a blogger. Not in this sense anyway. If I ever I start blogging or writing online again it will be with more serious stuff and it will probably have something to do with music. I've planned to do something like that for years now. I have in fact planned too many things and not followed up on most of them. This is probably my way of symbolically acknowledging all of that.

Thanks to everyone who's been around for the past five years or so. It's been enjoyable sharing my life with all of you. I also hope that it doesn't just stop there. Talk to me outside of LJ and I'd be glad to actually talk to you one on one... or maybe even face to face like we all used to do before.

Watch out for this one boys and girls.

2007-03-19T09:33:02Z

c0llide @ 2007-03-11T09:45:00

2007-03-11T02:28:58Z

Stolen from kimmy's multiply.

1. What is the current theme song of your life?

There is no one song that would best describe it but there never seems to be a wrong time to listen to New Order's Ceremony.

2. What surprise would you like to receive at least once in your life?

Some sort of official award or recognition for what I do with the band or maybe with something related to writing.

3. What TV character can you easily portray?

I actually don't know about this one.

4. If you were an emotion, what would you be and why?

I'd be comfort and satisfaction if positive and regret if negative.

5. What's your favorite smell and why? ]

Garlic in the kitchen.

6. A machine you invented can increase the size of anything by 100 percent of its original size. What will you place inside the machine?

Food.

7. Who has your ideal body? Why?

Glen Danzig! I don't fucking know why though.

8. What do you dream most often about?

It's kind of different every time.

9. What is the most important thing in life money can’t buy?

Fulfillment.

10. One day you suddenly woke up and found out that you were a Hollywood celebrity. What is the first thing you will do?

Buy a lot of stuff.

11. You have to be a professional sports player for the rest of your life, what would you choose to play?

I want to be a New York Knick. Not right now though. I always wanted to be a basketball coach more than a player though.

12. If you were a poet, what would your poems be mostly about?

Probably random people I know.

13. What do you do to fall asleep?

I don't usually have problems with this.

14. If you could write out the rest of your life and it would come true what would happen this year?

I start seriously writing again once I graduate and I get recognized for it.

15. Name a city in the world you would like to get lost in and why?

I'll always say Prague.

16. Describe your worst nightmare you could ever have, real or not.

Oh God, I had this really weird nightmare about this monster who wanted to eat wombs. It was creepy because I could hear his thoughts and everything.

17. Who is the most beautiful person for you?

My mom. Awwwww.

18. Best advice you ever got?

Don't even try because you'll fail anyway :P Kidding. I can't really remember anything right now.

19. You know you’ve made it when…

I've crushed the world under my iron heel!!! Bwahahahaha.

20. How I wish I could say that I discovered one thing, place or person?

I don't understand the question.

21. What machine household appliance can most represent you?

Remote Control. I don't know why.

22. Name your top 3 phobias.

Frogs. I actually can't think of anything else.

23. Describe yourself at age 90.

In an urn.

24. If you had to live away from civilization for one year and bring only one item what would it be?

Civilization.

25. If you could add all the knowledge of another person's brain into your brain, who would you choose?

Victor Von Doom

26. Name a heroic deed you would like to do (capture a criminal, save a forest from denudation, find a cure for a deadly disease).

Heroic? They should be afraid of me. I plan to destroy the world. Bwahahahahaha.

27. If Jesus appeared beside you, what's the first thing you will say to Him?

Can you not do that? It's kind of creepy.

28. Relate your most nerve-wracking experience.

Philo orals are always bad.

29. If you were chosen to represent the whole of mankind to a newly discovered planet inhabited by aliens and you could bring 5 people with you, who would you bring?

The starting five of the last Knick championship team.

30. If you could communicate with animals, what would you say?

Go away.

31. If you had to impersonate someone famous for one day, who will you choose to be?

The incredible Hulk.

32. What’s the most important sound to you?

What?

33. If I could, I would dress like..

A hippie.

34. If you could snap your fingers and any one of the world's problems could be solved, which problem would it be?

The fact that we're all going to die in 2012.

35. How do you know if you’re already a grownup?

When you're more realistic about your expectations.

36. What thing would you like to try to do but are afraid to?

This is getting boring.

37. What skill or talent would you like to learn if you had all the time and resources in the world?

I actually want to be a bassist.

c0llide @ 2007-03-08T09:45:00

2007-03-08T01:47:34Z

Why the fuck do I have to wait until late April for the next Heroes episode? Booooo.

17 was still a better episode but 18 had the most annoying fucking ending! Like iced_pee said, Tangina mo Tim Kring.

I want to watch 300. Booo! Everyone else watched it yesterday.

Suntukan!!!

2007-03-07T16:38:06Z

I didn't get to stay at the Barangay Tibay, first anniversary gig a while ago in Saguijo because - as is usually the case - everyone from the band was swamped with work. We had a really, really good set though. I don't know what it is about Saguijo but there's usually this weird rush of energy whenever we start playing there.

Sultans of Snap has a great set before us and I think that had something to do with the energy level we had. I feel like that whenever we play with friends. It's not even a competitive thing, I just feel inspired whenever that happens. They also played my favorite song of theirs which is aptly named Suntukan. If there's one Sultans of Snap song that probably expresses their personality as a band then that would be it.

AMP's first recital ever!!!

2007-03-01T02:13:49Z

Guess who's singing :P
Message me for tickets and info.

c0llide @ 2007-02-26T03:07:00

2007-02-25T19:07:38Z

Bullet Points

2007-02-25T13:02:17Z

Hung out with bettina13 in Makati.
AMP recital practice. I'm excited but unprepared.
The Sapang Palay gig was one of the most fun gigs we've had in quite a while.

We kind of got lost getting there.
There were so many people.
The food was really good and there was a lot of it.
Nobody touched the spicy chicken wings because they were difficult to eat. That was good because it meant more for me.
I have this huge scratch on my left arm and I can't remember where exactly I got it

I went to confession today. I haven't been to confession in ten years.
Kate told me that Ziggy Marley's coming to Manila on March 24. It's actually listed on his site but I'm not hearing any news of it in Manila. Everyone from Cebu knows about it though. I actually think that he should play there instead.
Scoop Jackson interviewed Tim Hardaway for his Page 2 column on ESPN.com. It's interesting because you can actually see where he's coming from. Interesting but sad. While he has apologized all over the place, it's very apparent that he's still coming from the same intolerant and ignorant place.
Downloaded the following albums this week:

Mostly old favorites with new music from Aereogramme and Machine Head.

c0llide @ 2007-02-24T11:38:00

2007-02-24T03:50:44Z

From thefridayfive

1. Would you rather serve in heaven or rule in hell?
I'm not really sure about this. Ruling in hell looks kind of boring. Aside from thinking of new ways to torture people and such, I can see it getting old really quickly. I'd rather serve in heaven by default then.

2. If you had evidence that would catch a killer, but also put you in jail, would you use it?
Probably not, unless I'm actually convinced that I'm guilty of something.

3. If you could work the worst job you have ever had, for three years and then never have to work again, would you or would you rather work the job you always wanted but not be able to retire until well past the age of retirement?
I would rather have the job I've always wanted and work past the age of retirement. I don't think I'm the type of person who can survive without doing anything anyway. When I'm that age, I want to still be active with something.

4. If you could write four newspaper headlines, which would come true, what would they be?
Global warming not real!
Amnesty granted to all third world country debts.
Isaiah Thomas fired by the New York Knickerbockers.
New research shows increased health benefits from drinking rum and coke.

5. A video of children in Florida fighting, while adults cheer on, was posted on the popular web site MySpace, The popularity of "gang videos" has also increased, and there has been renewed interest in re creating the infamous "Faces of Death" video series, do you feel there should be laws limiting extreme videos?
While I'm personally not a fan of these kinds of things, I don't think that there should be laws limiting these kinds of videos. While I think that many of these things are done in bad taste, I still believe that people do have the right to make these kinds of things available for the public.

c0llide @ 2007-02-21T10:57:00

2007-02-21T02:58:04Z

Stan Lee was in this week's episode of heroes :P

Slayer fans invade the house of representatives.

2007-02-20T11:49:50Z

The New York times erroneously posted a picture showing the crowd from a Slayer concert on an article about recent problems in Congress about Bush's new war policy. They've already fixed it but someone was thankfully able to take a screen cap.

c0llide @ 2007-02-19T12:34:00

2007-02-19T04:40:20Z

I'm still kind of dazed about all of the events of the recent week. It's Monday again. It's time to snap back to reality. It's time to get back to the proverbial grind of daily life.

I don't know how to do it though. I don't seem to know where to start. I'm a fucking mess.

No, I'm not depressed or anything like that. I just feel like staring into empty space and doing nothing. I do know that I have a lot of things to deal with right now but I can't seem to figure out what those things are.

c0llide @ 2007-02-18T23:47:00

2007-02-18T15:53:42Z

I majorly overreacted with my last post. What was an actual decent attempt by Ely for some sort of closure was misconstrued by me as another attack. Many of the accusations that I mentioned yesterday actually happened months ago. I guess the anger I had about those past couple of months had been compounded and I exploded everything into a Livejournal entry. That was definitely not the best way to go about things especially considering all of the stress that I've been going through because of the wake and the the burial last Saturday.

Mastodon according to E's Fashion Police

2007-02-16T10:48:58Z

c0llide @ 2007-02-16T14:23:00

2007-02-16T06:28:46Z

I am so fucking exhausted, both emotionally and physically. Things haven't really been bad though. They've just been tiring.

* * *

Had a few drinks with all my Fonacier cousins sans CJ, Tina and those who are too young to drink. It's the first time it ever happened and it will probably be one of the last times too.

* * *

Yihee!!! I know someone who's ♥.

* * *

Time to run to Ateneo for advisement. Hopefully I can get more internet time later. I need to snap back to normal life mode.

c0llide @ 2007-02-15T19:21:00

2007-02-15T11:26:02Z

I wrote the following this morning but it wouldn't fucking post in the school computer I was using:

I've been internet deprived for the last couple of days. It's actually quite refreshing. It's nice to not care about not being able to keep myself up to date with the usual things that I bother myself with. This has officially been the longest week of my life. It's just Thursday morning too. I still have a couple of days to go.

My Lacanlale cousins are home and the rest of the Fonaciers are coming in today. I haven't seen some of those guys in years.

* * *

The President visited the wake yesterday afternoon. The security was pretty tight. We were all asked to be there. The security in the place was pretty tight. They even took the back room where I was staying in.

We were all warned when she was coming in so my mom along with my aunts and uncles lined themselves up near the entrance to greet her. My cousins and I were asked to vacate the first two rows of seats. There's a long hallway that leads to our room in Christ the King so we really couldn't see clearly when people were coming in. Plus our view was obscured by the flowers that spill out into the end of the hallway.

We saw some people coming in and we figured that it was the President so we all stood up to greet her. As the people entered the room, they turned out to be cwist_cric , footballfreak09 , and twisterfries . Everyone in the room was surprised including them.

The president came in a minute or so after they did.

* * *

We finally go to practice for the AMP recital thing on March 3. I'm sining Close to You with Kat Yam on the piano. We can't find a good version of it though. The piano piece she has is pretty simple and straightforward. We're still trying to look for something that's sounds a lot better. So if any of you have a better version of it, please tell me.

Kat Yam has a lot of parrots.

* * *

Thanks to all of my friends who have visited so far. I've been staying in every night since Sunday and I'll probably be sleeping over there until Friday. The following people have made these exhausting and depressing times a little bit more bearable: Eric, angat_sa_batas , salamangkiero , Alan, Joel, impishtry , tany_ , Lee, boysenswal , Sib, masamang_damo , tanglaw_tala , makeitwithme , bettina13 , krakatooee , evil0live , Topher, Clark, Carla, and argon_erratum . Special mention goes to Alan and "my favorite" Crissy Tioseco for having been there twice.

Thanks also to those who have sent their prayers, and their condolences. It's been a weird week and all of your words have meant a lot.

* * *
As for right now. Everything's catching up with me. I'm really drunk and I'm emotionally drained. I'm not feeling too great. Not physically, really but mentally and emotionally.

Had a few drinks a while ago. It felt really good. I want to drink some more but I have to go to the wake.

Hassle.

Help. Somebody get me out of the wake later for a bottle of beer or two. I really need it right now.

c0llide @ 2007-02-12T11:33:00

2007-02-12T03:41:31Z

Spent the night at the wake. I'll probably do this for the next couple of days. No time to write. Heading back there in an hour or so.

It can get really boring there but somehow the place helps me study.

All my cousins are coming home. It's the first time for us to all be together in more than a decade.

I need to sneak some sleep in somewhere.

Long test in Lit tomorrow. Big time presentation for Theo on Thursday.

This week was already full even before the wake. Now it's just crazy.

c0llide @ 2007-02-11T03:20:00

2007-02-10T19:24:25Z

Just got back from the wake. Thanks to my bandmates for helping carry all of the stuff. I'm really tired.

My grandmother will be buried on Friday (tentative). She's currently in the room C of Christ the King's memorial chapel. I'm staying over later.

Thanks for all of your prayers.

2007-02-10T11:20:29Z

There's just so much to say but I don't have the luxury to sort all of the words and ideas in my head. My grandmother just passed away this afternoon. Hooked up to machines, her heart was the last thing to go. We watched the heartbeat fade from an occasional flutter down to a flat line. It was longer, more excruciating and more anti-climactic that they show it in the movies.

c0llide @ 2007-02-08T06:50:00

2007-02-07T23:12:31Z

A former NBA player comes out of the closet, and it's not Dennis Rodman. He's written a book about it too.

I do agree with this article to some extent though. I would have been a lot more impressed if he had come out while he was still playing just like Sheryl Swoopes did a couple of years ago. I do admit though that it might be more difficult to come out if you're from the NBA as opposed to the WNBA. Everyone's heard about the jokes right?

I'd imagine that coming out of the closet as an athlete would be like Rob Halford coming out around a decade ago.

Speaking or Rob Halford, I started watching the PBA again the past weekend and I noticed that Rob had this uncanny resemblance to Red Bull's Center/Forward, Mick Pennisi.

Health.

2007-02-07T14:56:56Z

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for praying for my grandmother. She had a triple bypass last Saturday and she's just starting to recover from it. She's not completely alright yet though because she apparently had pneumonia before the operation. If she doesn't get better they might have to perform a dialysis. It's odd that I'm only actually starting to understand all of these terms right now when I've been hearing them forever.

I'm not sure how much this whole thing is affecting my family in terms of health awareness, but I'm just starting to get really scared about all of this. Apparently, my grandmother could have avoided the heart attack if she had her regular yearly check-ups. In spite of deep financial resources that some of the people in my mother's side actually have, no one apparently made sure that she had it. Yes, she'd go to the hospital but only if she had major problems. The signs have apparently been there for a while but no one ever really paid much attention to them.

Nobody's better at ignoring aches and pains than me. I mean it. I've always been a sickly kid. I never really felt that my body was fully functional machine. I had asthma as a kid along with allergies to a whole bunch of things. After I outgrew that, I started getting all of these random weird diseases like juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I think I was absent for six weeks straight for two of my last years in grade school. I also had this recurring ear pain for much of my adolescent years. I knew pain and I learned how to ignore it. I knew that my world couldn't stop every single time I got sick. The arthritis I had as a child came back full force around four years ago. Though I was in pain a lot of the time, I learned to ignore it so that I could go to work. I never once went to the doctor for the year and half that I worked for my old company.

The arthritis usually hits my hip. Usually it stays for a couple of days and then it leaves. It usually kicks in during the colder times of the year. For the past couple of months though, it's been around more often. It started to hurt for long stretches last December. Since the freakishly cold weather kicked in, it hasn't left. If anything, it's gotten worse. It's spreading too. The past couple of days it's hit my shoulder blade and my knee.

Even before Lola got sick, I've made a decision to make an active attempt at getting healthy. This is why I've been walking for the past couple of weeks. The main reason why I didn't just start jogging was because of the pain in my hip. I had to jog for PE 101 last December and it made things very difficult. With the pain getting worse, I'm not sure how jogging would affect it.

I was supposed to go jogging a while ago since a whole bunch of the kids in school have started to jog. I woke up a bit too late for it but even if I did wake up earlier, I highly doubt that I could've jogged properly because it was painful.

I really need to go back to the doctor. I know I have to be a little bit more active and I can't really do that with this recurring pain in my joints. I'm getting older and I need to start getting healthy before it's too late. The older you get, the harder it gets to start new habits.

My grandmother lived a very healthy lifestyle. She was reasonably active and she ate always ate right. Even with all of that, she still suffered a heart attack. My father's side of the family has a history of heart disease. I need to find a way to stop it because I'm genetically more predisposed to it than she is.